Okay, let me start here; If I was to say that I am happy to be writing this post again, I would be lying to you…. HEY HEY HEY! Don’t go away, stay here.. I know it is lot of drama for my FIRST post, but hang with me and see where I am going with this. K?
Well, First and foremost, You look quite beautiful today My Sweet Sister! But alright, now on to subject at hand. Like I was saying, I am quite frustrated having to be re-writing this all over again. The first draft came out of a long yet beautiful morning of creating my prayer wall with posted notes, listening to worship music, and constantly running back and forth to the rest room for tissue to stop my nose from running while I was having my crying sesh. It’s as if it truly came out of sweat blood and tears if you ask me. What I am trying to say is, I thought it was the most “perfectly written emotional post”. The tone that was set was just PERFECT! Worship music, Jesus, Sticky notes, temper tantrums, and emotions!? What gets better than that? I thought this was “THE ONE”. But apparently that’s not the case. So, Let me tell you what happened.
I first begin spontaneously writing a status and as the music and my emotions swelled, I just kept typing. As I kept viciously spilling, I heard the Lord tell me, “this is your FIRST blog post.”. Well, that SURELY caught me OFF guard! One, because the topic wasn’t one that I would have wanted everyone to see….Brokenness. Mine, to be exact. That was IT, the topic. It was as bare as bare could get. And, I wasn’t ready for that! I wasn’t ready for everyone to see the pit of my emotions in that very moment! And, apparently the enemy didn’t want it either. But God did. Soooooo, I kept typing, and crying, typing, and crying and soon it was done. And I heard the Lord say “Don’t post it here Vesta, post it on your blog”. And, to be honest, I was a little hesitant. I immediately wanted to press that beautiful blue “POST” button but I was convicted.
So instead of posting it to Facebook, I finally submitted to the Lord’s instructions (Hard- headed, right? Yes, I know. I’m praying on it! haha) So I started to log into my Blogging site and I couldn’t log in. I literally tried about 15 times and no luck. I had the post from FB copied and ready to paste it right into my blog and things just weren’t looking to good. I kept trying and trying and checking my log in info and still NOTHING. Then finally after heavy praying and breathing, I was in. I Immediately went to paste, and then,…..nothing. The post was GONE! No where to be found. All that I had gone through to write it, get past my fleshly desires to submit to the Lords instruction, and log into my account…. I could have screamed. BUT then, I heard to tiniest whisper, “It was too powerful for the enemy”, The Lord said. And, First discouragement took over. I truly felt completely defeated. I was seconds from wanting to second guess this calling of writing that the Lord placed on my heart. The thoughts “I KNEW THIS WASN’T FOR ME” scrolled through my brain. BUT, then something clicked.
I could see. It began to make sense. It was ALL a test. I was being tested on where my heart was. If I really knew and comprehended my identity. If, I really was about My Fathers Business. If my heart was truly where it needed to be; ready and willing to join this army full force. Or coward out when circumstances flip against me. I was BEGIN TESTED! And, The enemy thought I was going to fail, BUT God knew different! I was ready and MORE than capable! My Papa said, “It was too powerful!. How GREAT is that?!
Guys, I am ready. Ready to be bare. Ready to submit to it all. Ready to take the spiritual warfare that comes along with it. I feel the Lord saying, IF I am going to do this. I have to be willing to share the GOOD, BAD, and the UGLY. And MOST of ALL, I have to know this WONT be a walk in the park. And, I can honestly say that I am…I am so excited for this journey with you all.
I know this was A-LOT for My “BREAKING THE ICE” post, BUT, I pray you were able to see the beauty within all of this and get of sense of ME (don’t run away, I am SANE. I promise! lol). Starting my blog has been a huge fight for me; feeling inadequate and constantly attacked. But I am pushing through with FULL confidence in Christ! Praying this place is one that you can be edified, inspired, and encouraged: to grow, live, and learn through the Love of the Lord Jesus Christ! Together! WE are a family! A community! So, WELCOME BEAUTIES! Thank you for joining me on this journey! So Excited for the things to come!
Love you so much,